I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
