I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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