Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
