Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
