you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
