as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
