so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
