oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I smell stomach acid.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.