He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!