I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?