right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?