I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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