in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.