i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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