he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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