I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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