Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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