I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
