By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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