so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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