I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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