The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
