the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize