he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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