she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
