Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
