this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
