Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
