I met the friendliest cop last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
