were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
