I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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