she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Come see our sink grown plant.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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