am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
