There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
