Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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