Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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