..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
