i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
