so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it's great music for shaving your balls
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
