fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
