after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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