long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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