just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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