I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
