Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
