Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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