period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize