Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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