forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
