but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
