I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize