mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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