Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
