I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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