So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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