How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's like heaven, but drunker
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need a beard to bite.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
