can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
