That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My ass is underappreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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