I am puke
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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