You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
