what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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