alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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