the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
