I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
