we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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