Pappa wants mamma naked
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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