I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
