Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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