I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
