I am puke
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
