there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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