I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
