One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
