..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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