Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
