if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
