No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
