I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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