Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
